I wanna passion pit in your ass
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
