One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize