i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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