I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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