So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
