He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
