I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
