I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
