Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
