The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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