I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
