I hate all girls vehemently.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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