hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize