Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
