Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
