"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You did what with his pubic hair?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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