??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
