Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
