I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
