i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
