Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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