just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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