So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize