I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Rumble strips road head = magical
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
