i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
