I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
