Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
