My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
