so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
