Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
