So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize