please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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