There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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