My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
