Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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