Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize