threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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