"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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