we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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