What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize