I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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