we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
