I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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