when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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