Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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