My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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