You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
