I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
