you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
