We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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