We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
