im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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