Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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