bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
