is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
