I look better un-naked...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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