She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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