Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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