I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
