I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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