i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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