I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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