yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
