The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
