The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize