I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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