Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
