I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
