weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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