Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize