P.S. I can't hear my feet
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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