the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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