No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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