As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
