jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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