At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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