he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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