Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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