I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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