he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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