I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
