We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
