hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
