He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
