His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
