his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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