She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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