did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
