my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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