So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't deserve a penis
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
