I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
