I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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