hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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