it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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